Again we had a Relief Society lesson that really made me think about my life, who I am and who I want to become.
Lately, I have been struggling with indecision. Moving has left me with a bit of a void and probably too much time to myself. Others have said, "That sounds so wonderful to me!" Yes, it is nice. But you know how it goes - - when we're busy we want to bored and when we're bored we want to be busy.
Elder David A. Bednar has said "Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness." I haven't really had a "load" to move me forward. In the past I had homeschooling, book groups, and time consuming church callings to give me direction, to move me forward. The break from all of these things was nice for awhile, but eventually there just seemed to be too much time on my hands with no direction to follow.
You'd think with all this time on my hands my house would be cleaner, my gospel study would be deeper, meals would be amazing, laundry would be done, exercise would be consistent, and all my family's needs would be met. But...that's just not the case. None of these things are much different than when I'm busier. Rather, I find these things to be worse because there is no momentum behind the action. There are no external forces pushing me, no normal routine to follow.
In Relief Society last Sunday, we mostly discussed this one quote: "The eternal perspective of the gospel leads us to understand the place that we occupy in God's plan, to accept difficulties and progress through them, to make decisions, and to center our lives on our divine potential (emphasis added.)"
These words struck me pretty forcefully. My thoughts turned to my indecision when I realized,"Wait! If I know my place in God's plan and center my life on my divine potential, then decision-making shouldn't be so difficult, progression will naturally occur." I've had indecision because I've been waiting to be told what to do. I know we all want our deadlines to vanish and burdens to be released, but in reality those burdens are what drive us to accomplish things in life. Yes, we have to beware of making sure the right burdens are upon our shoulders and we're not just filling our time with meaningless activities. But again, Elder Bednar has said, "Two guiding questions can be helpful as we periodically and prayerfully assess our load: 'Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?'"
These loads we carry are not just mortal burdens placed upon us. They are driving forces and oftentimes gifts from God that keep us moving forward. So next time I'm "too busy" I will evaluate what load I am carrying to be sure I am in line with my eternal goals and then move forward with that burden upon my back.
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"Faith in Father's plan gives us endurance...Hope keeps us 'anxiously engaged' in good causes..." - - Elder Rafael E. Pino - -