11.08.2010

Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togedow today


My marriage has never been better!  Maybe it's after having lived together for almost 12 years.  Maybe it's because I haven't been pregnant for longer than ever before in our marriage.  Maybe it's because he has finally learned how to deal with me.  Maybe it's all of the above!  But I do know one thing.  It's because I changed.  I, not he, changed

Life has been very good to us.  Our marriage has been normal, I would say.  Happy.  Good.  Nobody even close to threatening to leave.  But I just discovered that it can be better.  It can really be the best!  I've hesitated for a long time even writing a post about this because #1) marriage is a personal thing #2) I know we've all got our ups and our downs when it comes to this most important relationship.  So, this isn't so much about marriage as it is how I have changed, thus enhancing our marriage.

I read Dr. Laura's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands several years ago, when it first came out.  Love it!  Love it!  And highly reccommend it!  For a couple of weeks after reading it, I was completely head over heels in love with my husband.  It was fabulous.  But, as we know, "Old habits die hard."  It's so easy to sink into those behaviors that soon became habits.  It's so easy to follow the traditions or patterns that were set forth by others in our lives. 

Recently, several things happened that literally changed me.  I felt the change, it was that literal.  Like I said, I've always thought our marriage was good and I've been very good at preaching how to have a great marriage.  As Elder Bednar says, however, "What we know is not always reflected in what we do."   I can now say I do more of what I say I know.

The first thing that happened was a visit with a couple I know and love.  They, too, have had what you would call a successful marriage.  They're still together!  However, while we visited I saw some definite patterns that have trickled into my own marriage.  Communication was often lacking and feelings of frustration and bitterness were evident.  I looked at them and saw myself.  The rose-colored glasses had been removed and I was terrified.  I wanted to change.

Within a month or two of arriving home, I happened to be listening to a couple of Dr. Laura calls that were touching exactly on what I'd observed.  She talked about letting go of pleasing those in your past when your husband should be the one you're now trying to please.  I realized that was exactly what I was doing.  I was trying to please those I love by acting the way they acted, doing the things they did, not thinking of how it was hurting my husband (though he's way too nice to say it in those words!).  I continued to pray to know how I could change our marriage. 

And then it happened.  While reading Dr. Leo Sax's book, Girls on the Edge,  I was given beautiful (and painful) insight about myself.  Not to go into too much detail, I will just say that I had some personal obsessions that were affecting how I treated those around me, particularly my husband and children.  I realized why I wasn't completely happy.  I mean, I was happy on the outside and have been living a good life, but the internal worries were lifted.  It was then that I realized I am living my fairytale dream.  From the time I was ten years old, all I've wanted was a husband and some children! 



Sometimes we tend to mock the newlyweds with their idealistic viewpoints on life.  Well, I say, why not!?!  I can imagine in my head every day the marriage I dreamed of "back then" and make it happen today.  There will still be road bumps.  The realities of life still sometimes encroach upon this fairytale life I long to live.  But if we are meant to have celestial marriages, why not start now?  For us, my change of perspective has made all the difference. It's turned the mountains into molehills because we know we're climbing it together, in love.  It's no longer one dragging the other up the hill!  Some day we'll be riding off into the sunset and I hope to look back and be able to say, "I lived my life by living my dreams!"

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